Santa, The Hobbit and Bond, James Bond.

In a scene reminescent of the start of Cat in a Hat we were stuck for something to do on that cold, cold, wet day. So before Thing 1 and Thing 2 turned up we headed off to the pictures with an apple and a tangerine.

Me – “Skyfall or The Hobbit?”

Mrs O – “The Hobbit….. it’s more Christmassey”.

I’m no Tolkein fan but I’m reasonably sure that there isn’t a chapter where the elves paint rocking horses as Santa stands around checking his list (twice). Then again, I’ve heard the descendents of Tolkein weren’t happy with the treatment of the original work – maybe that’s because they’ve slipped in a couple of scenes where the elves help Santa remove various Orc’s from his list for being naughty not nice.

Luckily the Hobbit at our local Vue had already started, phew. Lets face it 2 hours 45 minutes of ignoring the fact that Bilbo Baggins looks a lot like the guy from the office is a suspension of belief that I really don’t think I could sustain. Elves, Dwarves and Wizards easy – but the image of a stapler in a jelly is too strong, maybe if the Ring had been put in a jelly… anyway Skyfall it was.

The self service machine in the Vue foyer told us that the VIP seats were selling fast…. hmmmm. We ignored that and opted for the least helluvaprice seats . Eventually, having fought our way through the tricky process of paying for tickets from a self service machine designed for dwarves and hobbits, our tickets were shot onto the floor with the disembodied automated voice politely saying “bet you weren’t expecting that…cheapo.”

Community viewing is always a tricky thing. Should you ask the guy behind for a nacho? Should you tell the folks across and down to stop texting their mates? And should you really have put that trip wire across the stair to stop those flipping kids from running in and out to get more refined sugar. Tricky.

However, community viewing in balance is perhaps a wee bit more civilised than the 60’s when the afternoon matinee was mobbed by abandoned, unwashed and unruly kids. Usherettes used torches like primitive death rays to threaten death or ejection. And if things got too noisey the Cinema Manager would come in – dressed in his Dinner Jacket and bowtie. Very Bond, James Bond.

Skyfall was brilliant – not very Christmassey though, apart from the bit where Daniel Craig dresses up as Santa and fights with the baddy on the back of a Sleigh being pulled by magic flying reindeers above Shanghai. Or did I just mis-memory that?

Next week The Hobbit… so I’m off to make a Stapler Jelly. We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

ps The VIP seats were empty – or maybe full of very, very small dwarves, pixies, elves, or Martin Freemans.






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