Thongs, X-ray specs and Airport security

If you have ever seen The Man With X-ray Eyes then you’ll know it doesn’t have the cheeriest of endings – I think Ray Milland ends up being unable to see anything other than cells. It’s been a while since I have seen it – I was probably twelve or thereabouts. It left an impression – I mean – X-Ray eyes – what 12 year old boy wouldn’t fancy a shot of them?

One of the recent Bonds – The World Is Not Enough – features X-Ray specs – purely for surveillance/security purposes of course. Though Bond James Bond does of course find himself using them in much the same way as a 12 year old would.

And all of course impossible – complete and utter Sci-Fi. Well Sci-Fi until the airports started planning to install the see through machine stuff to tighten up on security. I know it’s important for the security of innocent travellers – but airport security has just taken a bit of a twist.

It was bad enough slipping off and on shoes, belts, jackets, laptop covers etc etc etc. But now we’ll all be slipping off our modesty as well as the x-ray machines have a peek under our vests and pants. Can’t say I like this – seems a step too far – but I suppose if the technology exists we have to use  it to protect ourselves – I guess? Can’t say I’m mad about the idea of folk pointing at bits of my anatomy and laughing – looks like I’ll have to take up a gym membership.

There is, however, an alternative to all this technology malarky which will save us all some time and our governments a lot of money when it comes to airport security. Thongs!

If we all strip off before heading off to the airport and resort to wearing the tiniest of thongs there won’t be any need for all the x-ray kit. Turn the heating up at the airport and we can all swan about showing that we have nothing to declare. No more frisking or expensive screening technology - anybody with a suspicious package should stand out a mile.

Homeland Security will never have been so simple – just strip off and slip on a thong when travelling. Admittedly I can’t promise that the experience of travelling with similarly (un)clothed travellers will be pleasant – but blindfolds could be provided. So no more need for the xray specs – just a good thick black scarf to tie round your head so you don’t see what you always thought you wanted to see when you were 12 years old.