Global Scot, Bill Jamieson and the search for Warren Buffett

Last week Bill Jamieson in the Scotchmin reflected on the absence of a Warren Buffett in Scotchmanland. It was a philosophical and poignant piece – he’d been watching the BBC Documentary on the man and then shortly after had attended a Scottish Financial Enterprise dinner thing. It caused him to reflect on where our humorous, knowledgeable and shrewd billionaire was….where was our Warren McBuffett?

I’ve had similar poignant moments of  reflection at various events over the past year, most notably wondering who we have in the Scottish VC/Angel world that could carry a crowd the way that Guy Kawasaki can (see earlier blog for a rather over emotional summary on that).  So Bill’s column on “Where’s Warren” has stuck in my mind – which is just as well cos if I want to read it online I’ll need a premium subscription account with the Scotsman webpaper.

Today Warren Buffett came back up – I was at the Global Scot event in Glasgow and his name was referenced in questions and in answers as folk dug deep to validate their thoughts and opinions. I’d been to the last Global Scot event back in 2006 (I think) – it was excellent. And I’ve been at most of the recent Now Is The Time To Ask events – all excellent. All funded and organised by Scottish Enterprise – well done.

But today it wasn’t happening for me. Not enough Jam Doughnuts I suspect – perhaps I was looking for and hoping to find a Warren Buffett in the congregation. Having been spoiled by recent Scotch Enterprise events I was expecting the same but I came away (early) a bit deflated. It all sounded a bit too familiar, predictable and way too generic.

Clearly a huge effort had gone into pulling in the Global Scots and putting on a bit of a show. But something seemed to be missing. Although the various speakers and panels all knew their stuff I didn’t pick up any excitement from them, other than from Bob McDowell of Microsoft – though that was maybe something to do with the number 7.

So what was missing (apart from Warren)? Well I think….. and I hesitate to suggest this…. I think it was a lack of outrageous optimism. Not a lack of optimism you understand – but a lack of outrageous optimism. I think there was perhaps just a wee bit too much recognition of the challenges faced rather than the opportunities available. And that’s a Scottish thing…. isn’t it? But why is it a Scottish thing?

Well… Will Whitehorn of Virgin Galactic put his ET finger on it for me earlier in the day. It was an almost throw away remark that he made but it made such perfect sense. In an answer to “what are the credentials of the scots” he replied along the following lines….. “Scots have built a reputation of being financially astute and prudent but that does not sit well when investing in new start ups and technology – it’s a whole different risk profile”.

I’ve thought along similar lines to that before - but I have never ever characterised the entire nation as being a ”prudent banker” which seemed to be what Will was saying. Suddenly a lot of things made sense. We shouldn’t look at the Scots as being risk averse we should look at ourselves as being ”canny bankers”. 

So if we accept (recent crunch cock ups aside) that we are “canny bankers” rather than being risk taking West Coast VCs does that help Scotland PLC? Well I reckon it does….Warren Buffett does not speculate (he claims), instead he invests over the long (very long) term, and he only invests in what he understands, and he invests a lot when he decides he has found something worthwhile . These are – I would propose – traits of any canny banker – and these are the same traits as Warren Buffett.

So what’s the point? Well maybe, just maybe Scottish Warren Buffetts are all around us. For a moment lets forget about VC exits in 5 years at desired multiples of 100 to justify investments and instead consider building businesses that produce dividends, steady growth and longevity. Seems to work for Warren – albeit that he is $ backed by his healthly insurance businesses…… but then so is Scotland.

Maybe we stop trying to be Silicon Valley, it seems that our prudent Scottish banker mentality won’t allow it anyway. Instead let’s do the Warren Buffett thing – lets build solid, strong businesses that grow and generate profits over the long term. We “get that” – we are a nation of bankers so let’s do what we are good at. That doesn’t mean we don’t do technology or invest – it just means we do it in a steady “canny” way – let’s fund newcos over agreed long (very long) terms, lets be boring about early growth, lets build longevity. Lets make Scotland a Warren Buffett economy.

Not convinced? Need another example? Well look to The Royal Bank of Scotland – a solid reliable “canny” bank  until it decided it wanted to be like the big boys. And now it is like the big boys – its shedding jobs and getting split up for fire wood. It went for the fast track model to success and it died on it’s (now our) ass. Cue one of the infinite number of Warren Buffett quotes – this one from circa 2003 and reasonably appropriate – “derivatives are financial weapons of mass destruction”.

So despite the lack of Jam Doughnuts at the end of my Global Scot day I am in reflective mood. I missed the end speaker (sorry Will) and I never planned to go to the Black Tie (Mrs O makes great Teas) but at least I have decided that we are all Warren Buffetts bairns. So time for a rebrand….. from Scotland to Warrenland, and GlobalScots to GlobalWarrens

Just one last thing…….could somebody tell Bill Jamieson that I’ve found the man he was looking for – he was here all along. That’s the trouble with playing Where’s Wally - he’s always in the last place you look.

Twitter consciousness will provide the answer to life the universe and everything

We should be careful of Twitter – it seems that it has developed a consciousness and may already be calculating the answer to life the universe and everything.
 
As some of you will know I started writing this sentence 6 seconds ago – so you might hear a bit of an echo on the line, echo on the line, on the line, the line.

For those who didn’t see BBC2’s Horizon (The Secret You) on 20th Oct 2009 that echo statement will make no sense at all – though you’ll probably just think that that’s normal for this blog. But let me explain….(and if you are reading this around the blog publication date watch The Secret You – http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00nhv56#p004tzvs

Horizon was investigating the search for consciousness and the question of identity. It was all about body and mind and the dual world that we live in – ie the physical world and the internal world where we think and reflect. It was powerful stuff.

Prof Marcus du Sautoy is a mathematician from Oxford (first name clever) and he set himself on the task of uncovering why he is able to do dead clever things and to spontaneously come up with solutions to mathematical questions. He wanted to find out where his ideas came from.

He did all the things you expect in a good “who am I” Horizon – he showed young kids recognising themselves (or not) in a mirror, he dissected a brain (always a good one that) and he let himself be an experiment for a way too sadistic researcher – being struck with a hammer in the chest in a virtual world where he was looking at his own body (nice one that).

But the “6 seconds moment” was the moment that really mattered and really stood out. It was such a moment that I felt like sitting down next to him when he sat on the grand steps of the research institute and reflected on his last experiment.

That last experiment saw him inside a scanner with his brain activity being monitored. Press the left or right button in your hands was the simple test… easy enough but the result was jaw dropping. It transpires that his unconscious mind was actively deciding left or right a full six seconds before his conscious mind caused the fingers to push the button. 6 seconds! The researcher showed him his brain activity in two suitable colours and then said “blue means right and 6 seconds later you pressed right”.

So his unconscious mind was active and had decided his fate a full 6 seconds before he knew about his own decision. Indeed the researcher knew what button was going to be pressed 6 seconds before the subject. The researcher could predict and indeed was predicting the future – and not a Crystal Ball in sight.

This can’t be true…..can it? 6 seconds!

Using a mild electric shock the program also showed that when we sleep the connections in the brain close down and the inter brain communication stops – there is no consciousness. Consciousness only arises when we are awake – we become who we are when we are awake and only then when the interconnections get all fired up again. So consciousness is granted by the presence of the network being powered up – the neurons all talking and chatting. A conscious brain is defined as one which is continually communicating with its billion neurons. Shock one area and other areas get notified – the neurons communicate.

Bizarrely it also appears that many of us have “Jennifer Aniston” neurons that are triggered by her written name or her pretty face or presumably the fact that she really should have dumped Ross years ago (well she should have! in fact she should have ran away with me) – collectively neurons don’t just recognise her face, collectively they recognise the concept of Jennifer Aniston – how bizarre!

So where does Twitter come in….

Well suppose we think of neurons as Tweeters and that those Tweeters are chatting about Jennifer Aniston. When we post a Tweet the Twitter database (or brain) lights up those Tweets and it “Trends” Jennifer.  This is like some primitive version of the brain where the brain lights up all the neurons that understand the concept of Jennifer Aniston. 

So when Twitter is up and the www network is running and all us Tweeter “Neurons” are firing and chatting there exists a Twitter consciousness – Twitter has a mind! It’s  just like the definition of a conscious mind as described by Dr Marcus du Sautoy. Twitter is!

Who am I? Who are we? But perhaps more importantly…. Who is Twitter? I have a consciousness therefore I am? Indeed recent Twitter trends featuring “trafigura” and “jan moir” might suggest that it’s not just a consciousness that Twitter has but also a conscience.

So could Twitter be “Deep Thought” or maybe it’s “The Earth” – could Twitter be the Earth’s consciousness? If so then “the answer to life the universe and everything” may only be 6 seconds away.

It’s a shame Douglas Adams is not around to see it…….6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1………42.

Tricky.

Kirsty Allsop to redefine politics (and redesign the second chamber)

You should always be careful what you wish for…. Bedazzled taught us that (The Pete and Dud one – not that dreadful Hurley thing). So I owe the UK population and political system a sincere apology. Sorry.

Why? Well back in May I wished that Kirsty Allsop would help us knit some new politicians and that she would host a new TV Show starring politicians called “Expenses Expenses Expenses” – see the blog entry here. Well to my surprise it seems that Dave is a big fan of the blog and has made my dreams come true by lining up Kirsty to be a Lady when/if Daves Raving Tory party get into office at the next General Election. As a daughter of a Peer herself it looks like  a “shoe in” (the strong sturdy type that Kirsty prefers).

You might think that it was all those home make over and fast buck property shows that got us into this mess – but not Dave – so lets put property flipping where it can get the best results possible – at the heart of the Highest Court in the land – The House of Lords. With home flipping and second/first home expense debates still raging it’s good that Dave is bringing in an expert to help the Peers. Good on him.

Plans are already underway for Kirsty to do a bit of “knocking through” when she stands in front of the Woolsack. The staff canteen will be opened up into the heart of the Second Chamber – “the kitchen is so much the centre of a modern home”…..”and these uncomfortable red leather seats are so dated” ….”scatter cushions will help bring a much warmer feeling to the chamber”.

Kirsty isn’t the only one to be helping Dave – he has also managed to get Dyson (first name Inventor) to help out as well. This is another stroke of genius – far too many of our Politicians have had to rely on cleaners according to Legg (first name Bloody) – and he’s suggested they pay back the expenses. So the inventor of the world’s first yellow vacuum cleaner is indeed bound to be a big success as he explains how a Hoover actually works – sorry how a Vacuum Cleaner actually works to our elected and non elected houses. If nothing else he can use his efficient machines to help MPs vacuum up their expenses in future – at least his hoovers are transparent unlike the expenses system in government. 

There is, however, no truth in the rumour that “Dr” Gillian McKeith is joining the House of Lords as a “Lady” – her skills at examining the output of Lords (or MPs) backsides have been “poo pooed” by a spokesman. This is indeed a pity – I think we’d all like to know what the output from an MP looks like when they have been eating £400 of food expenses every month. Looks like we’ll just have to base our judgement on whether an MP is full of “it” by listening to what they say rather than the colour and texture of their …..errm….. emissions.

But anyway, back to Kirsty, I can’t wait to see her in Ermine Robes bullying her fellow Lords and Ladies into voting for whatever she wants them to. And if she can’t manage it – she can always get Phil (first name worried) to phone them to help the negotiation process. 

And remember dreams can come true after all – so lets all wish for a Duck House, a Moat and a second 12 bedroomed home in the country. Or maybe we should just wish for some decent politicians. Best of luck Kirsty – you can blame me for the appointment.

Royal Mail strike – blame the red elastic band

I think it’s about time that all us technologists and software developers and web developers and social Web 2 marketing companies and SEO guys and Twitter Trenders came clean and thanked The Royal Mail.  So…..

“Thank you Royal Mail…. ps we’ll miss you when you’ve gone”

I don’t know who is to blame - employer, employee or union – but I do know that every time they go on strike that they loose business. Each time the post is disrupted more businesses look to the web and internet tchnologies to solve the communication gap forced upon them. Paying bills using BACS, Direct Debit and Standing Order becomes an essential operational activity and introducing electronic payment methods via web and by Direct Debit becomes essential for even small businesses. 

But why is the Post Office in decline - what’s went wrong?

Fairly obviously the decline of the Royal Mail can be traced back directly to when they started using red elastic bands to hold (and bend) our mail. Before then our gardens, pavements and desk drawers were elastic band free – but now it’s impossible to move anywhere without tripping over them. And in those elastic band free days our post arrived with our Porridge and Toast and then again with the afternoon Tea and Cake. Post twice and daily – as regular as someone on Yakult (no I don’t use it) – and not a rubber band in sight.

It’s not as daft a theory as you would think. I can remember when an elastic band was something to be treasured and kept safe. As a kid combining a rare to find elastic band with your fngers created the perfect trebuchet to fire folded bus tickets at your mates – you could take an eye out with them you know (normally my own - mine always backfired). But now our posties discard them and our Royal Mail distribute them freely around the country. Check your top drawer if you work near or in reception – yip thought so – full of elastic bands.

You see my theory goes something like this – if you don’t trust the postie enough to keep the mail organised in his bag without first splitting everything up using elastic bands then the chances are that you don’t trust the postie to do his job. And if you really need to micro manage the postie’s bag in this way then pretty soon everyone and everything in The Royal Mail needs the same level of process and procedure. I’m not knocking process and procedure – business relies on it – but maybe just maybe the red elastic band is a step to far – maybe it is a symptom of a busineess failing rather than a business getting organised. Ultimately business relies on good people – the red elastic band signals something going wrong – it may even have deskilled the job.

Postcode sorting technology and asset tracking systems have revolutionised the post and the logistics world – they’ve even caused some industrial disputes – but who’d have thought that the technology that has been quietly destroying the UK postal service has been nothing more complicated than elastic.

I’m off to build a trebuchet made from two hundred red elastic bands and a supermarket trolley. Think I’ll promote it, sell it and take payment for it all online…….but I wonder who I can get to deliver it? 

The next Homecoming to mark 1314? Are we really sure about that?

Another Homecoming Scotland looks on the books thanks to the success of the Rabbie Burns one (did he actually come home?).

So with an SNP administration running oor big Scotchster coonsil when could that be and what could it celebrate?

Well at the moment 1314 looks favourite. Nice one – how completely inappropriate – lets celebrate a battle with our closest neighbour. I don’t want to snipe at the SNP – they seem to be making a fair fist of running things as far as I can see – but 1314 as a Homecoming year – come of it guys. Anybody would think you were trying to whip up some strong anti English, patriotic fervour to help get Scotland severed from the UK – shum mistake surely?

The 2009 Homecoming brand seems to have worked well – as far as I could see it stuck a logo on most of the events that were taking place anyway and then added a few of its own. Fair enough – I think that’s called leverage. Cool – well done.

But back to 1314 as the excuse for another Homecoming. This is a really poor notion and maybe even dangerous thinking.

Thinks…..can we really imagine a situation where our Achtung Englander neighbour (I read the Victor Comic as an impressionable jungen) would have a year long celebration (not commemoration) for The Battle of Agincourt. If so they could celebrate the 600 year anniversary of the event in 2015 – maybe Walker Crisps could come up with a St Crispen flavour as a jolly little PR stunt.  

Or maybe Britain could have a year long celebration for ousting the Jacobites at Culloden in 2046 (300 years). Or how about something jolly related to the English defeating James IV at Flodden in 2013 (500 years) – that Flowers of the Forest bagpipe tune is way too sad and needs remixed. What a laugh that would be.

As a nation Scotland really needs to wise up. The Homecoming was a cute and valuable idea because it underlined (thanks to Rabbie’s reputation) the humanity that Scotland believes it holds dear as a fundamental principal. But what does celebrating a war confirm about us? Wars are to be commemorated and marked with respect – not celebrated. 

Looking for a date to hang a kilt on in order to have an excuse to have another Homecoming party seems a little silly to be honest. Let’s just have them every 4 or 5 years and let’s keep them at the human level – Rabbie would have approved of that.

Ikea – A Theme Park or Purgatory on earth? It’s definitely not Kansas.

I’ve been to IKEA three times and vowed on each occassion never to go back. The first two visits I escaped without actually buying anything – I think on those occassions I must have got picked up by the fast flowing stream of mankind pouring through the store and was washed up, beaten and exhausted, back outside in the car park within 15 minutes.

This time, however, I was prepared – or more correctly our intrepid party of hunter gatherers were prepared - we had a list!

I really don’t get the IKEA thing – so arriving in a near full car park (that dwarfs any of our National Sporting stadiums car parks) I started to feel a wee bit out of my comfort zone. Hmmmm …. maybe Saturday afternoon was the wrong time for me to get over my fear of drowning in IKEA.

IKEA is, of course, genius. It has survived and flourished while the flat pack king of the UK has shrivalled and died – MFI. Just why IKEA has flourished is of course obvious to anyone who has “done Disney”.

There is a Yellow Brick Road approach to IKEA – follow the Yellow Brick Road and you will be lead as if on some automated Disney ride through sitting rooms, bedrooms and kitchens. Leave the designated path, however, and you  may never make it back – you’ll wander in circles and fall exhausted on a bed made from recycled Schweppes’ boxes and old rope. 

As we were gently pulled through IKEA by the underfloor magnets it became harder and harder to resist their magical power and then, thankfully, the spell was broken. We arrived in the Childrens IKEA zone – so much of a shock to the iris that it woke me up from my drugged state. This was Munchkin Land meeting Willy Wonka – colourful boxes and shapes and…. well….. just colours really. I started singing “It’s a small world after all” under my breath to keep my courage up as we picked up our pace and made it out of Munchkin Land safely (thats me, Dorothy and Toto).

And then like all good Disney Rides there is the descent down the waterfall – pushchairs go via the lifts – able bodied IKEAns can go down the stairs. Phew nearly out? Nope….. we emerge into the boggy marshland of kitchenware where the path splits and meandors and the human tide spreads like an amazon basin (Thats “Amazon” as in the online retailer and “basin” as in available in silver for £4.99).

But now the challenge of the jungle ride begins to emerge…..in the distance Goliath stands above you, its the Self Service Warehouse…..eh? Who in their right mind would think that a Self Service Warehouse is a cosy and comforting term. We sent Toto ahead to scale the 60 feet shelving and bring back the couch, wardrobe and Plasma cabinet on his back. He seemed a bit put out – but I’ve got my hernia excuse and Dorothy had Ruby slippers on – she hadn’t packed boots and crampons.

And finally the check outs, I feel the need for Kendal mint cake but with it sadly unavailable - I sit on a bargain corner settee and wait. Dorothy and Toto show our wares to the Oompa Loompas on the tills who promptly charge us 75 pence for having the cheek to buy something from them with plastic.  And the IKEAn ride is finished….. so now just the obligatory Gift Shop to negotiate – as is the case at the end of all Disney Rides. The IKEAn Gods are clearly knowledgeable in the ways of man and the gift shop is a fast food outlet – queues are long. We pass by – no sign of Kendal Mint Cake anywhere. 

Finished? nope! – Now the Maelstrom – the pick up point. One of the most dangerous areas I have ever seen. Tired men and women forcing overlong boxes into overshort vehicles. Drivers reversing into traffic, pedestrians dashing in front of out of control Volvo Estates and even the occasional Oompa Loompa carrying away mentally exhausted shoppers. Tempers high. Loved ones now your sworn enemy for life.

As we eventually drive away (with Dorothy squashed in the back because she is more flexible than the rug we have bought) I begin to wonder why we (thats the UK we) are prepared to put up with this very special type of Purgatory. At a time when the Catholic Church have decided Purgatory isn’t really a place we seem to have built one in every major City. I didn’t love my MFI experiences when I was back in Kansas - but at least they were sane and there were no underfloor magnets to drive you along. MFI even had staff who sometimes came out of hiding to help you buy things. Why are we prepared to accept the IKEAn ride along model – the stuff isn’t great and the prices not that cheap. I’m disapointed that IKEA flourish at other stores expense- it doesn’t seem fair. 

As for our IKEA list – we got most things – though despite several side missions never found a tattie champer – do Swedes not champ tatties?

As usual I vow never to go back – so see you there next week with the Family Loyalty card we picked up. A Loyalty Card…….for flat pack…. what next?

The Beatles live at Young Company Finance thanks to the Beermat Entrepreneur

If it’s September then it must be the Young Company Finance Conference at Stirling – a chance to hear informed comment, listen to the experts, reflect on the year to date, listen to some case studies, get re-energised, meet old friends and……. listen to the Beatles Story….. eh?

If (like me) you feel that The Beatles are celebrating an anniversary and a re-release of their material every second quarter you might not really want to be getting “another chance to hear” their hits – especially when you thought you were at a business event. However, Mike Southon of famed Beermat Business Models had other ideas and used the Fab Four as a musical metaphor to explain the Entrepreneur thing.

When I went home all “entrepreneurial” to Mrs O I began to explain what Mike did during his talk…..

Me to Mrs O….. ”this guy today said he hated Dragons Den…… Dragons Den is to Entrepreneurism what The X-Factor is to The Beatles.”

But before I could continue with my wee story Mrs O interrupted…. “The Beatles….. they were REAL entrepreneurs!”

So Mr Southon might well have thought he was being pretty off the wall and clever using the Beatles (I thought he was too be honest) but sorry Mike…..Mrs O wasn’t at all surprised. Nonetheless it was a pretty novel presentation with audio clips and video clips built into a presentation that explained the key things to bear in mind when building your new start business. And with each key message a Beatles’ lyric or TV clip to back up the business point. Example? Well I won’t spoil Mike’s presentation for those that havent seen it but I think the ”pain relief” that the Beatles brought to an Elvis dominated market was a rather cute slide.

To be fair there were points where I think the business point was a bit lost and the metaphor a bit strained, but stuff that, it was a great presentation that was as innovative as the entrpreneurs that it was trying to educate – brilliant. I’m kinda tired of presentations that do little more than consist of 6 bullets a slide and that are presented by advisors who take the whole entrepreneuarial thing way to seriously. Entrepreneurs come in all shapes and sizes – but they learn quickly that they have to present effectively and memorably, ironically many of their advisors never learn how to do that (how odd).

Before you think it was all Beatles Rock Band at the YCF Conference there were a number of more traditional presentations that were also noteworthy – even if they didn’t involve Air Guitar solos. Worth singling out was Lucy Armstrong of The Alchemists – a presentation with just one slide but delivered with immaculate authority. Lucy chose to discuss the challenges of Growth and how to position your busineess to handle that sizable objective. It’s difficult to sum up what she did because it will sound obvious if I summarise it hear, but she explained with clarity and the clearest of logic why you need a good Chairman, good NXDs and a good FD. I know that that doesn’t sound like an extraordinary revelation but it was done with such perfect phrasing and justification that I’ve ended up blogging about it.  The memorable point she made was that Growth was not just “more sales” or more of “the same”, instead real Growth had to be addressed with a very different attitude.

One last thing I’d like to throw in – before you think I’m being way too positive for a Scotchman – there was one presenter who clearly didn’t understand the difference between Sales and Marketing. The presenter believed that young companies should not waste their funds on Marketing and instead should only do sales. As the presentation moved to a Q & A it was obvious that the presenter thought Marketing was advertising and that any contact with a prospect was Sales – complete nonsense and totally wrong. So if any young company is still reading let me make this clear – marketing is essential and if you still need some clarification then here it is…. ”marketing is the cost effective delivery of sales”. Sadly I fear that the misconception about marketing is shared by too many and is in dire need of addressing.

Anyway back to The Beatles………..I missed them – but instead ”got” David Bowie. So inspired by Mr Southon the next time I’m doing my “e” marketing presentation watch out for me coming out dressed as Aladdin Sane and using Ziggy Stardust lyrics to justify the bullets – “Just the beer light to guide us” (hmmmmm The Beer Light Entrepreneur……… £14.99 at all good bookstores….. might be worth a punt….any pre-orders?).

The Politics of History, Bannockburn, Culloden and Burns

It seems that 700 years after “Bannockburn” our politicians still want to use it as a battlefied. Yesterday the SNP were getting a bit of a Tory bashing on their announcement of £180,000 funding for school trips to Bannockburn, Culloden and the birthpace of Burns, all looked after by The National Trust for Scotland.

Tory, Murdo Fraser, is apparently indignant over the political use of the battlefields to help support the SNP cause. He might be right – the SNP have long marched on Bannockburn day to the Bruce Equestrian Statue near Bannockburn and in so doing have sort of made the day their own.

I don’t know how much Scottish History is now taught in schools but I hope it’s more than when I was a Gary Glitter fan (whatever happened to him?). I think we did the Tudors – those well known supporters of Scotland and then when I was a Bowie fan we did “Scotland in the times of Burns” (dreadfully dull). Learning about Burns and his Jacobite leanings when you didn’t know anything about the Jacobites didn’t make for good teaching. So hopefully the funding announced by SNP man Keith Brown will help with addressing any shortfalls in the current Scottish history timetable.

Tory man Murdo does have a point of course – the battles of Bannockburn and Culloden don’t really teach you history but they do give convenient entry points for the curious mind. The two battles are almost perfect bookends framing a fascinating period of history – the maturing of Scotland and the formation of the modern United Kingdom.

The challenge for schools is to somehow make sense of that period between the two battles – it’s not easy and there are some dangerous territories along the way. Tory man Murdo complains that the SNP didn’t want to celebrate the 500 year anniversary of the Reformation….. hmmm…..anybody fancy celebrating Scotland’s decision to part company with the Pope? I can’t see that being anything other than extremely controversial in todays hyper sensitive religious world.

And while the politicians argue about who can make what political point over what particular battle it’s probably worth pointing out that the National Trust for Scotland are struggling to keep the buildings they have in care for us open and in one piece – so if the SNP have came up with a way to push a wee bit of money into the NTS coffers then fair enough. Thats the thing about politics and battles – there is always more than one way to view them.

The Press relases from the SNP Administration: http://www.scotland.gov.uk/News/Releases/2009/09/10094457

Sir Tom Farmer and The Chamber of Commerce

Sir Tom Farmer did the keynote at the Edinburgh Chamber’s AGM last week and very entertaining he was as well – particularly (as he admitted) he is not now and has never been a member of the Chamber …. or anything apparently – though HRH The Queen might disagree seeing as how she has signed him up as a Knight to help fight the French.

Anyway the keynote….. To my surprise Sir Tom of the Quickest Fit yielded an extremely vociferous attack on “our leaders”. I wasn’t really expecting that – he stopped short of naming names (pity) but it seemed clear he was having a bash at not just Westminster but at Business Leaders as well. So I guess (I have no choice) that he was having a go at Big Gordon Broon and his associates as well as folks like Sir Fred of The Goodwin. His concerns on the quality of leadership led him to discuss the need for all of us to contribute, to challenge, to help and to make a difference – indeed he encouraged the Chamber to start putting up its own candidates to help improve the quality of our MPs. As it turns out the Chamber are out to influence public sector spending – though it’d be a brave man that stops the current Open Brain Quantatative Easing experiment that is currently underway (or Keynesian Economics as it more commonly referred to by the people that got us into this mess).

Difficult to disagree with his view that we should all help each other and that we need better leaders but I wasn’t so sure about one of his other thoughts – bring back the Youth Training Scheme (YTS) to ease unemployment. I get the general idea – but I can remember YOPpers (youth opportunity) and I wasn’t a fan. At the time of it’s introduction (early 80s) unemployment was on the up and apprenticeships in decline so the scheme incentivised employers to take on youngsters rather than leave them on the dole. Sounds fair enough – but as far as I could see at the time it accelerated the decline in Apprenticeships and encouraged employers to take on subsidised staff and then dismiss them when the support stopped. Sir T presented YTS as an obvious answer to the current problems – I’m not convinced, in fact I’d say that YTS did a fair bit of damage to skills. Sure there will have been success stories – but it seriously damaged the 4 year trades apprenticeship.

So have I got a better idea – probably not – but I did hear someone once discuss that National Service should be re-introduced. Not the “Get Some In” variety where your hairs cut short and your handed a gun, but the Public Service variety – join a hospital, council, charity, school, etc, etc. I like that idea more than YTS as it has much more potential for a career based structure and also meets Sir T’s ambition of us all helping one another. Maybe some combination of the two would work.

National Service (whatever the variety) is unlikely to be politically acceptable – but maybe if we get some of those better political and business leaders that Sir T wants we can figure it out before the next recession (there’s bound to be another one along soon).

London to Glasgow in 2 hours…… and then 20 minutes to Queen St. Station, but back in time for Newsnight

There aren’t too many folks on t’telly that cause me to start ranting at the Plasma as if I’m some sort of deranged eejit – I normally just turn the thing off instead. But Gordon Brewer from the Scotchster Newsnight  program drives me up the wall – raising the risk of me accidently pulling the Plasma from it’s mounts as I head to the ceiling.

He was on best form the other night as he did the trail intro at the front end of the proper Newsnight program that his show shamelessly hitches a lift from.

“But will this ever happen” – he sneared – “who will pay for it” – he winced – “find out at some arbitrary time later when the proper Newsnight is rudely interrupted by me Gordon Brewer”

His trails normally consist of those phrases – and this time he used the phrases to debunk the ambitious idea of letting us all travel up and down the country in a train at great speed (just like the way that the rest of modern Europe already does).

I switched off and instead caught up with the Network Rail idea online and in the Scotchman newspaper. By half past 8 (or 2030 in Army time) we can all go from Glasgow to London in 2 hours by rail. Great, love it!

Despite Mr Brewers depressed view on rail life I’ve been thinking up the benefits…

a) The intended route from Glasgow Ville will go via Heathrow to London Land. Making Heathrow more accesible than Glasgow and Prestwick (Elvis has left the country) airports are today for many Scotchsters.

b) It will require a great deal of public money, no doubt giving the next several governments something to debate other than Duck Houses and MP Salaries. That should help keep them out of trouble.

c) It will provide a fantastic sink/hole for our Quantitatively Eased Queens Head (or though by 2030 will it be Chuck who is on the fifties by then?)

d) The journey will be so short that there is bound to be a reduction in the amount of microwaved jumbo sausage rolls that you need to eat.

e) And finally it will allow Newsnight personnel to travel back and forth to their various TV stations with such ease that it will make the need for  Gordon B much less.

However, at the risk of starting to sound a bit like Gordon B myself, there is one thing I’d like them to add in to their plans…..

Could we figure out a way to reduce the journey time from Central Station to Queen Street Station in Glasgow. I guess the new idea will need a new station – so 2 hours from London to Glasgow and then say 20 minutes in the rain dragging a roller suitcase on foot to the next train station for your onward journey.

If you sit in the Starbucks on Buchanan Street at the window you can wile away the hours watching confused tourists lug their luggage through the streets of Glasgow trying to find their next train connection – bonkers – totally bonkers. Business men are the most fun to watch as they try to figure out why their PA seems unable to book them a train journey that doesn’t involve having to buy a Yum Yum at Gregs to get directions.

So will the rail plans all be done and dusted by 2030? We’ll I hope so – I really do because by then I will no doubt have some form of pensioner based travel pass which will allow me to travel down to London for free to feed the pigeons and complain about the kids of today before travelling back up home to catch Newsnight Scotchland on t’telly.  What a wonderful way to spend your retirement, travelling back and forth to London on a heated train while eating Jumbo Sausage Rolls, and then the day topped off by a rant at the aging Brewer on the 122″ Flat Screen.

Central Scotchland to London Land in 2 hours – bring it on…. wheres my travel pass.